inanimate object
by adjectverbial
Summary: He cannot change who he is, how he thinks, or what he feels. But he can damn well try.


Sasuke has never had time for love. It is too pure for him, and there is something so incredibly vulnerable about it – and avengers have no time for vulnerability. Sasuke is smart enough to know that, and wise enough to act on it.

_in truth, he knows he's a cold hearted bastard. he just can't bring himself to care_

there are things more important than public opinion or loyalty or teammates.

_but there's nothing more important to you than your brother, is that because of __**love**__?_

He's a bright boy. He has always known what most others have not. He knows Chōji loves Ino

_Ino, the blue eyed, pale-haired blonde whom he supposes he should've considered fair – but he has one blonde loudmouth in his life, and has no need for another. her eyes are too pale and her cheekbones too delicate, he wants someone who is not pretty, but beautiful._

_he's always had a thing for green eyes and short hair_

and knows that Hinata longs for Naruto

_but Sasuke knows Naruto like no one else, and no matter how different they may seem, they are one in the same – Naruto chases after his dreams and settles for nothing less. and Naruto's dream has always been Sakura for as long as he can remember_

but he cuts himself off then, because Sasuke realizes that he has not been there for the majority of Naruto's life, and realizes the possibility of his teammates moving on, and he doesn't want to go down that road.

_he sees Kakashi ruffle someone else's hair, sees Naruto train and guffaw at another rival, sees Sakura fall in love with a faceless boy_

_the last thought pains him the most_

Love makes people weak in ways few understand. But Sasuke knows all too well

_because he remembers throwing himself in front of Naruto, in front of Sakura, he remembers forgetting Itachi. he remembers hearing Naruto's laugh and catching Sakura's eyes – and he remembers almost thinking that they could be enough for him._

he wonders what would've happened if he'd stayed.

_he pictures black haired, green eyed children, and sees Naruto playing with them. for a second, Sasuke regrets. the guilt that comes with that is almost too much to bear_

But they will never know of his second thoughts, and when they ask if he has missed them, has thought of them, he knows his reply will be a lie – cool and composed as always.

_they can't know of the way his heart hurts when he sees his hitai-ate, can't know of how seeing them again makes his head reel, and when they walk away he almost wants to scream. he can't share the way Sakura's eyes make him feel like nothing else, and can't speak of the way Naruto's smile makes his own lips twitch in response_

they can't know how much he loves them, because they'll keep trying to pull him back

_and this huge, huge part of him cries out to just let them pull him in, to just go back to his home and be happy there. he just wants a family, after all_

but they'll never be enough and Sasuke knows it. He knows very well that he could go back and try and try and try, but he would never be satisfied

_he pretends he doesn't see the dimming in Naruto's eyes when the blonde realizes that Itachi means more to Sasuke than he does – Naruto wants to be enough of a brother for him. he ignores the way his heart clenches when he sees Sakura with a face full of hurt and a body full of scars – and he feels almost guilty._

He cannot allow the way they make him feel to continue, because Sasuke is a bright, bright boy and he _knows._ He knows that he will hurt them, he knows that he will leave again. he knows that he can't help it, because he belonged to Itachi far before he belonged to them, and a few words and smiles will not change that no matter how close they get, because almost is not enough, has never been enough. Sasuke cannot settle for being almost happy.

_but he sees Sakura and Naruto and they are where he belongs – for a fraction of a moment he thinks that they are not almosts after all. but it passes, it always passes, because Itachi looms larger in his heart than anything else – those green green eyes make a close __**second**_

So he does not love them. Because Sasuke knows that if he does, they will try to replace Itachi, and no one could ever do that. He's shutting them out for their own good. They will eventually stop chasing, he knows. And Sasuke Uchiha is never wrong.

_but then he sees Sakura and Naruto, broken and sad and weary, and he realizes that they keep trying. and the determination in Naruto and the hope in Sakura makes him almost change his mind. _

_but when has almost ever been enough?_

He's not willing to start being wrong now, for he is many, many years too late. Sacrifices need to be made, and Sasuke more than knows this.

_he sees green eyes and blonde hair one last time, and wishes that they didn't have to be one of them. he'll love them until he no longer can._

**A/N: **Right, so this one was messier. My first time writing a Sasuke POV, but it was more fun than I would've thought, and turned out better than I had expected. There are some contradictions in this, some things that don't make as much sense as I would've hoped, but all in all, I hope I did a good job portraying the mind of such a difficult character. I think I'll try Naruto next.

R&R!


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